There are limits to how much I'm prepared to assimilate to fit in. These have everything to do with skirts. Not men's skirts, women's skirts. The limits correlate roughly with the limit on how short a skirt one is willing to wear. My half year observation period has led me to distil the following rules of Scottish dress code:
1. If a skirt is considered too short, it is probably a belt.
2. Below-zero temperatures do not invalidate rule 1.
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3. Rule 1 applies to multiple items of clothing: there is no such thing as too little textile.
4. If heels are considered too high, they are probably stilts.
5. Being physically unable to locomote due to said heels does not invalidate rule 4. This also applies to temporary instability due to excessive alcohol intake. Someone will catch you: unstable women have always had a charm of their own.
6. There is always space on your face for more make-up. Tip: fake eyelashes can be found in the aisle marked 'fake eyelashes' in your local drugstore.
7. Your latest make-up refresh was never too short ago.
8. An outfit isn't complete without something glittery, flowery, or both. And don't forget the colours.
Scottish dress code in a formula: T = f(-M,-H)
(Quantity of textile T is inversely related to quantity of make-up M and height of heels H.)
5. Being physically unable to locomote due to said heels does not invalidate rule 4. This also applies to temporary instability due to excessive alcohol intake. Someone will catch you: unstable women have always had a charm of their own.
6. There is always space on your face for more make-up. Tip: fake eyelashes can be found in the aisle marked 'fake eyelashes' in your local drugstore.
7. Your latest make-up refresh was never too short ago.
8. An outfit isn't complete without something glittery, flowery, or both. And don't forget the colours.
Scottish dress code in a formula: T = f(-M,-H)
(Quantity of textile T is inversely related to quantity of make-up M and height of heels H.)
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