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Showing posts from September, 2010

Night out

No matter she'd already been in Scotland for two days. No matter I'd already explained the rules of Scottish dress code . No matter she'd already seen Glaswegian evening life. The Saturday night queue still had friend A.'s eyes attempting to leave her head. But even though in the church-turned-pub we seemed remnants of the past by relatively looking like nuns, we were still two women in a pub featuring drunk men. Such as an American whose goodbye to Scotland consisted of donning a kilt and talking to women. Or the guy kindly asking our permission to spend time with us because the party he was with unexpectedly included his ex. Or the man too busy being funny to remember what drink he was supposed to get his girlfriend. Or the ever grinning guy who used the fact that shoulders are close to ears to lean on the one while shouting in the other. Or the guy who explained that our bodies produce vinegar when drunk. Which explains a lot.

The formula for Scottish dress code

There are limits to how much I'm prepared to assimilate to fit in. These have everything to do with skirts. Not men's skirts, women's skirts. The limits correlate roughly with the limit on how short a skirt one is willing to wear. My half year observation period has led me to distil the following rules of Scottish dress code: 1. If a skirt is considered too short, it is probably a belt. 2. Below-zero temperatures do not invalidate rule 1. This photo was taken at -1 degrees. 3. R ule 1 applies to multiple items of clothing: there is no such thing as too little textile. 4. If heels are considered too high, they are probably stilts. 5. Being physically unable to locomote due to said heels does not invalidate rule 4. This also applies to temporary instability due to excessive alcohol intake. Someone will catch you: unstable women have always had a charm of their own. 6. There is always space on your face for more make-up. Tip: fake eyelashes can be found in the aisle...