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This essay came in third in NRC next's essay contest 'The state of Dutch democracy' and was therefore published on NRC next's opinion page on Oct 19th 2010. This is the original, unedited version. -----                 “Alle buitenlanders het land uit!” “Ambtenaren zijn zakkenvullers!” “Blijf met je poten van mijn pensioen af!” “Ga toch boeven vangen!” De boze blanke babyboomer die het journaal kijkt?  Nee. De overkoepelende visie van het regeerakkoord. Tja, die ‘kloof tussen burger en politiek’. Geert Wilders heeft hem overwonnen: hij sprong eroverheen, draaide zich om, en schold samen met het volk op de macht aan de andere kant. Zijn stormachtige groei bewijst dat hij in een behoefte voorziet, al heeft hij die misschien zelf gecreëerd. Mensen willen Wilders omdat hij hun taal spreekt. Om met de Amerikaanse senaatskandidate Christine O’Donnell te spreken, omdat hij zegt “I’m you”. Premie...

No matter she'd already been in Scotland for two days. No matter I'd already explained the rules of Scottish dress code . No matter she'd already seen Glaswegian evening life. The Saturday night queue still had friend A.'s eyes attempting to leave her head. But even though in the church-turned-pub we seemed remnants of the past by relatively looking like nuns, we were still two women in a pub featuring drunk men. Such as an American whose goodbye to Scotland consisted of donning a kilt and talking to women. Or the guy kindly asking our permission to spend time with us because the party he was with unexpectedly included his ex. Or the man too busy being funny to remember what drink he was supposed to get his girlfriend. Or the ever grinning guy who used the fact that shoulders are close to ears to lean on the one while shouting in the other. Or the guy who explained that our bodies produce vinegar when drunk. Which explains a lot.

(In Dutch because it's about a piece in Dutch anyway) Soms zijn mijn stukjes ergens anders te lezen. Bijvoorbeeld omdat ze ergens anders over gaan. Hier  bijvoorbeeld.

There are limits to how much I'm prepared to assimilate to fit in. These have everything to do with skirts. Not men's skirts, women's skirts. The limits correlate roughly with the limit on how short a skirt one is willing to wear. My half year observation period has led me to distil the following rules of Scottish dress code: 1. If a skirt is considered too short, it is probably a belt. 2. Below-zero temperatures do not invalidate rule 1. This photo was taken at -1 degrees. 3. R ule 1 applies to multiple items of clothing: there is no such thing as too little textile. 4. If heels are considered too high, they are probably stilts. 5. Being physically unable to locomote due to said heels does not invalidate rule 4. This also applies to temporary instability due to excessive alcohol intake. Someone will catch you: unstable women have always had a charm of their own. 6. There is always space on your face for more make-up. Tip: fake eyelashes can be found in the aisle...

Everyone knows what Scotland's favourite drink is. That's why Scotland's really truly favourite drink brands itself as 'Scotland's other national drink' . I guess there are things that go with genes. Such as a love for squealy music*, an insensitivity to temperature, a hatred for the English, and a taste for fluid bubblegum. This ad contains no artificial colours *There are exceptions. Video soon.

The Edinburgh Festival Fringe started out as the fringe of the Edinburgh Festival. Now, the best visualization is a petticoat wrapped around a needle. So in its last weekend I went to see it. Pink Floyd's bass player is trying a second career as a standup comedian. He has found a way of looking like it's his first time on stage all over again, but who cares when you've got inside touring-stories-gossip from so many major bands? Baby wants candy performed the first and last ever rendition of the musical 'The day I trod on dog poo', which included the earworm 'This is the worst day of my liiiiife!' And, unlike when I improvise a song on stage, it didn't sound out of key. Lock, Stock and Improv looked more like something I could do, which is exactly what I wanted most to be doing the whole hour long. Sean Lock made me reflect on cultural differences in comedy. Stand-up: guy on empty stage. Maximum allowed time-interval between laugh-salvo's: 1...

It's becoming a habit: if friends come to visit, I throw them in my car and we hit the road headed for the highlands. The plan: View Larger Map The change of plans: "Road closed, follow deviation". The deviation is a long one as there aren't many roads in Scotland. The second half of the deviation turns out to be 'gridlocked, if you do not absolutely need to go there, don't'. During the conversation with the police officer who is the author of these words, the car turns out to be squeaking like it shouldn't. A quick check reveals a fume-pipe which we later learn is called an exhaust that dangles like it shouldn't. A quick check with someone more knowledgeable (=male, unlike driver & passengers) reveals that this is probably nothing, but then again it might fall off. In Garelochhead there is no one to be found under the sign 'Exhausts' (which expands our vocabulary with a very useful item), but the supermarket owner, being a Scot,...